Doing The Thing That Makes Your Heart Beat Faster ❤️

Philip went to look for Nathanael and told him, “We have found the very person Moses and the prophets wrote about! His name is Jesus, the son of Joseph from Nazareth.”“Nazareth!” exclaimed Nathanael. “Can anything good come from Nazareth?”“Come and see for yourself,” Philip replied.
1 John 1: 45 - 46 NLT

From evening classes to 7am internships, to making decisions in the classroom at a moments notice, this semester has been a demanding one. But perhaps my biggest source of stress is that I'm not cut out for this. Maybe I'm not supposed to be here at all. When someone vocalized that same fear to me about my teaching style this week, I almost lost it. Here was someone asking themselves the same questions about my personality as I was, could it be true?

But in the midst of freaking out about my chosen profession, I had a day like yesterday where a student came in smiling for the first time all semester and my supervising teacher and I got to joke around with her. I got to spend third period laughing with student about my supervising teacher falling asleep on his own boring video and fifth making up a secret signal with a student who always sneaks a nap during class time to let him know when it's okay to take a break and when it's not.  And in the midst of all of that, came to the realization that I can do all these fun things with my students and still take control of the classroom when needed. Days like yesterday make days like today where all I want to do is pull my hair out and go, "Forget it!" Worth it. 

Is this what it feels like to be a teacher? Not in Piaget Theories, or classroom management, or in doing things right or wrong, but simply because you love what you're doing and you want to do right by the students put in your care. 

Turns out Jesus went through a similar struggle. Perhaps the biggest problem others had with believing that Jesus was the Messiah was He didn't fit the mold they had constructed in their minds: He ate with tax collectors, said things that didn't make sense and he didn't even have a degree in political science -- How was He supposed to reign?

In every way it seemed that Jesus was unsuited for the job, and yet He's the only one who could fulfill what the job required. It seems like God, throughout the Bible, takes this approach. He calls Moses, a murderer to lead His people and later Peter, a closed minded hot head, to be the pillar of the church. 

So even though doubts may creep in my head and I may question everything that has lead me to this point, I can because I have a calling on my life that I have to finish -- no matter how many people think I'm supposed to be a teacher or not. 

I love this job.  I was made to be a teacher. Who am I to decide that I shouldn't do the one thing that I love even if I feel like I'll never get it perfect or I'm too tightly wound to handle such a stress inducing profession. If God, is for us, who could ever be against us!

Follow the Savior's footsteps  -- Do the thing that makes your heart beat faster.

Dropping the Ball ⤵︎

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This is what the Lord says: “Don’t let the wise boast in their wisdom, or the powerful boast in their power, or the rich boast in their riches. But those who wish to boast should boast in this alone: that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who demonstrates unfailing love and who brings justice and righteousness to the earth, and that I delight in these things. I, the Lord, have spoken!

Jeremiah 9:23-24 NLT

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I'm a Junior in college and today I made my first B. I feel like I'm in an AA meeting, but seriously, that's my confession.

There, I said it. 

Granted there have been B's in the past, but they didn't count. They weren't on my transcript for the whole world to see. Yes, it was Chemistry, but I've always been able to pull out an A somehow. Until today.

For the past few weeks I've examined my heart closely, desperately trying to find what makes me want A's so badly. What's there to fear in getting less than a 90? Why do I push myself so hard, staying up late, saying no to fun activities, all for a grade and the highest one at that? What about A's confirm my confidence, my self esteem and even my self worth? When did I even come to define myself as a number? Aren't I so much more than a score? Which is why, although a bit bittersweet, I'm glad it finally happened.

 I dropped the ball, the streak is over. 

The funniest thing is, when I made the grade, nothing happened. I still passed the class, my family wasn't disappointed, I didn't get kicked out of college. All my irrational fears were simply that, irrational. Sometimes we can be our biggest critics. We hold ourselves to standards that no one else does. We pressure ourselves to impossible heights, pointing out each and every flaw, forgetting we're human, forgetting that we aren't God. So whether it's money, power, or like in my case grades, I challenge you, what burdens are you carrying that you don't have to? How can you boast less in yourself and more in your Creator?